Signs of Light

Maybe I'm superstitious or whimsical or am able to make connections and a thesis about anything, but I really do believe in signs.  There are happy coincidences, and every once in awhile luck, and then there are moments that are just so directed to the unanswered or even un-asked questions in your heart that you just have to fully soak them in and etch them into your soul as a roadmap.  I don't think God is as silent as they say, especially if His heart is your mirror.  He likes to amaze us.

Tonight was the perfect ending to my 6 weeks of Family Med.  After all the missed chances I finally got to help deliver a perfectly healthy boy to two wonderful people who couldn't have loved each other more and who are going to love their son.  I got to see the awesome power that woman was designed to have to bring life, strength that she doesn't even realize she has.  And as the radio played "Mary Did You Know?" on the way home, reminded how Jesus came to us just the same way to give the ultimate gift only He could give.

Every day in clinic you see life and all the twists it can turn, but it would be a waste to always be waiting for the next destination and forget how full the present is.  I don't want to forget myself.  I want to grow, not change.  I want to find home by making a home - one of these days.

I don't know what 2017, or 2018, or the rest of the future holds, but I know my heart and when it is being pulled and I know when God is nodding, saying that 'This is good.'  With the audacity to be hopeful, I pray that these moments are reminders of His promises.

Brave


No matter how much we have accomplished in medicine, there's nothing so fragile as life.  From the beginning it seems like I've been pulled where my heart beat the strongest and the steadiest - in the midst of hope and suffering - in order to relieve it in whatever capacity I have with whatever skills God has given.

The minute I got in the car this morning I had a stronger urge to pray than usual for the moms and the babies I would see, and after tonight we clearly needed the extra acknowledgement that God is God, powerful, and good.  He holds each one of us in His hand in a delicate, grace-filled balance with each breath.

In the face of these tough cases, I am surprised that I do not want to run away.  I stood there firm and clear-headed with the task before us as we did the best we could for our patient, and there is no other position I would rather be in.

Praying for baby and mom, the family, the doctors, and the future.

To bagel or not to bagel, that is the question

It's my official first activated day on this app... and it's already causing stress.  Does my profile sound stupid?  I feel so judgmental.  How can you pass on someone with just a few sentences and pictures?
Just how important is wording?  Do normal people actually do online dating?  Am I not normal?  What if the resident I saw on there sees me too?  Awkward all around...


Personal Protective Equipment

Being in medicine seems to put up a quick barrier between you and others the moment it's mentioned (which is usually very quickly).  Part of me has always wanted that automatic, safe distance.  Part of me wonders if it'll keep me away from everyone.