Although one could usually find me saying otherwise, I'm glad that I'm not stubbornly trying to tape my life together into what it "should" be. If life's going to be a mess at times, at least hopefully it will be less often of my own doing. God's always known my heart and where to cut with His surgeon's scalpel, and when you let Him do His work you come out stronger, at peace, and you can keep your eyes cleared for how the past truly was in light of His expert schema...
I remember when I was younger, I used to see all the poetry around me (and meanwhile trying to write my own Fitzgerald-like masterpiece), little and big details just created by a God with the most beautiful vision. As much work and struggle that there is/will be, there's so much to breathe in and take in. What's the point in being hardened? And conversely, where's the pleasure in staying in your same immature state? We can be His children joyful to be given a lesson to learn, to be life scholars. The biggest gift I've received lately is that I know I am not the same as I once was. And, there is more ahead, in whatever form it takes.
In particular, though, I think I just want to somehow be the answer to someone's prayers, just as they will be for me.
There are many future hopes I have and I hope that if or when they do come, I'll have grown enough to guard them with caring hands trained to love. To know that all of this waiting and growth was in preparation, and was worth it. I get this strange warmth in the middle of my chest to think about the future joys when God will rejoice with me because it's what He's said is good, and it's what He knew my heart always needed.
