... even when it's not the answer you were hoping for.  Eyes don't lie.

I know deep down that it's not as much him, as much as the disappointment of yet again the lost hope of not having anyone.  The reminder that maybe it'll never happen, and the constant feeling of inadequacy.  The recognition of being the one that cares more, for no reason except that's just how your heart works.  The feeling of being bottled up, and passed over because there's nothing worth seeing.  As if it's weak and wrong to want and need a person to share life with.

Sometimes friends know exactly what the source is.  "Don't put him on a pedestal, as if he's the prize.  You are.  Just do you."  "It's tough because you have so much love to give and no outlet right now for it to go.  But when you do find someone, he's going to be so lucky."

And yet again I hear God whisper, "Just wait and see what I have in store.  It's more than what you could ever imagine."  That's true - I can't imagine.  So much so that I can hardly keep hoping.