Thank you for reminding me how God works in even the little details of my life, and that it's a joy to be able to rely on Him like a child because He delights in us clinging to Him.
There are still a lot of questions that will be answered within the next few weeks to the next couple of years, but I know He has a plan.
I don't want to think that this is my thirteen-year-old self gravitating towards the shiniest, most brilliant thing in the room. But the thing is, he's always been the star for as long as I can remember. From this distance, all I've seen was what I imagined to be there.
At this point in my life, I know that you can't make someone fall in love with you if they already haven't. I know that there's no faking the look in someone's eyes in the first five seconds. I know where I stand, and in this case I have, and never have had, a place. I don't know what's wrong with me.
I want to believe that there's someone that will somehow find his way into my life and fight to stay, but I just don't see it happening. All I have are the stories in my head.
I signed up for sewing classes (that start at the end of the month), figuring that there wouldn't be a better time or opportunity to take them. I'm not sure how good I'll get with only this first level, but it's a life goal. My parents were more than willing to let me take them, too.
And the other day, a large box was randomly delivered to our door - and inside was a sewing machine carrying case that my dad had ordered for me. Somehow, he knew that I would need it to bring my machine to and from the classes. I had never asked for it, or even alluded that I'd have problems with transport. It was a total surprise. Not just that I wasn't expecting it, but in that my dad had thought of it and intended it as a surprise. The last time I was that happy and surprised with a gift was when I got the fifth installment of Harry Potter. I felt like a kid again. Our parents will always see us as their children, too.
This comes during a confusing week, where after weeks of waiting I was invited for three school interviews. After so much doubt in what God had in store for me, He still surprised me in a way that was simply only to make me smile. I still don't understand it, but I can try to accept His gift without suspicion and be gladly waiting for the next one.
