Why have I always been like this?  I'm always being defined by favor, by those in charge entrusting me as someone who's mature and capable.  Taking mistakes and "getting in trouble" so personally...  As cashier, I was somehow short $13 at the end and my boss seemed pretty ticked and I was tip-toe-ing the whole rest of my shift.  Nothing else seemed to go smoothly.  Even though it's only been a week since we opened, I feel like they want us to know everything.

With each improvement, there's something else that I do wrong.  Maybe I'm not cut out for this.  Am I just being too sensitive?

If anything, it's so exciting to see people in my generation growing up to do amazing things, following their dreams, and making a positive difference all over the world like they always said they would.  We're doing pretty good.

I think I need someone who makes me feel small.

(Not just in the sense that as a 166cm tall Asian girl, that makes me awkwardly as tall/taller than 60% of the guys I meet.  It always takes them by surprise when I go from sitting to standing >_>)

My entire life, I've fought to become as independent as possible - I'm fine with doing things myself, and I'm good at being by myself.  I can keep a cool head and take care of what needs to be done.  I'm constantly striving to "get it together" and with each year, I come a bit closer.  The worst thing I would hate to be is a "stupid woman" who can't understand the world or learn anything new.

Inevitably though, there will still be moments when I can't do everything, no matter how powerful I think I've become.  In the end, I'm still a woman who is soft on the inside.  If I can find someone who doesn't make me submit, who doesn't want a needy woman to feed his ego... someone who it's safe to rely on without a feeling of debt afterwards.  Someone who knows how to take care of me in a gentle, leading way.  Someone who needs me too.  Someone who actually believes that I'm strong.