I'm not presumptuous enough to say that this isn't normal for a 20-something, but I can't seem to shake this feeling of malaise.  Of not quite belonging anywhere, not quite being important to the majority of my friendships, not quite fitting in or standing out or being memorable, and always falling short of things beyond my reach.  I'm trying my best but nothing and nobody really sticks or feels right.

Returning home after having changed so much, I can't slide back into the same niche as before, but I can't make a new one for myself either.  It's not the same as it was when I graduated high school - this time, I'm not sure if there's anything different to be found 'out there,' only slight variations of the same loneliness.  Being alone is fine, but I'm scared that that's how it's always going to be.

And it's not exactly that I don't like myself, but I'm not convinced that others can see it.  No one wants to know me - who I am underneath all the small talk.  They won't search if they don't think anything is there, after all.  It's been said that there are only a handful of people you will ever truly connect with in your lifetime - maybe that's true.

I've spent all my life trying not to be a 'stupid woman' or a needy person, with the constant goal of getting my act together.  So I've been doing just fine on my own, because there's no other option.  And I'll have to continue to do so.