The past few months have felt like years, as everything in my past seems to have been yanked away.  Or more like, I was suddenly sent out to sea on a life boat (rowing my own boat, which is a whole other topic haha.)  And yet instead of being wizened and weathered, I still often just feel like a child with too many thoughts.

I used to hate the "22" song by Taylor Swift, but more and more it just seems so true.  We don't know what we're doing and we feel pretty stupid all the time, but there's something so free about it.  Such an ambiguous age where doing your own thing isn't a search for rebellion, it's just simply you.  And we'll figure something out... eventually.  There's just no need to be mopey about it like the rest of this generation, because that's a waste of the youth you do have.

In fact, a lot of Taylor Swift's newer songs used to feel pretty audacious and petty, but there's much to identify with regardless.  You have to learn to take only what you deserve, and be bold in that conviction and not take any guy's foolishness.  There's only so much sadness you can build up before it gets much too old, because there's so much more to be happy about.  Sometimes there are some people that you need to keep at a distance, and that isn't being hateful.  And I'll say this - there's so much more to be worried about than romance.  Not that it's any less precious, but as young as I am and as much "possibility" that there is, I don't want to grow old-hearted with the constant test drives.  Because it IS so important, I'm not going to try and make it into something it's not.  Everyone's so busy with grabbing at it, pulling until it stretches and rips and believing that the piece that they've claimed as their own is enough to keep them warm.  I can't just toss it up in the air and hope it lands right side up, but that's how love is played nowadays.  But that means I withdraw from the game completely.

Then it turns into being somewhat of a standby position.  Twenty-two isn't old, but I feel like I'm already running out of time.  Everyone seems to be finding someone wherever I turn, and I'm scared that I'll actually become too accustomed to being alone.  I'm just not good at holding onto people, guys especially.  I've never given them enough of a reason to stay.  And I certainly can't make someone love me because... that just isn't real.  As much as I've learned I'm still trying to figure the rest, and I don't have a lot to give yet.