It is absolutely exciting to see God revealing Himself, to watch hand so tangibly working in someone's life so that they might hopefully one day personally know Him.  It is so lovely to share that inexplicable joy in hopes that it resounds boldly and brings healing.  I rarely discuss my faith with people that in depth, and it's a reminder of how beautiful and profound even the most basic truths are - about brokenness, grace, mercy, humility, freedom, open hands.  There are many reasons why someone might choose to believe - a sense of purpose, of love, for help - but it has to cut deep down to the heart and go beyond sense.  At least for me, I don't think I have much more of an answer about the question of life or all sorts of debates than I did before, but I know enough that He is more powerful than we can imagine, and that's enough to praise Him.

... even when it's not the answer you were hoping for.  Eyes don't lie.

I know deep down that it's not as much him, as much as the disappointment of yet again the lost hope of not having anyone.  The reminder that maybe it'll never happen, and the constant feeling of inadequacy.  The recognition of being the one that cares more, for no reason except that's just how your heart works.  The feeling of being bottled up, and passed over because there's nothing worth seeing.  As if it's weak and wrong to want and need a person to share life with.

Sometimes friends know exactly what the source is.  "Don't put him on a pedestal, as if he's the prize.  You are.  Just do you."  "It's tough because you have so much love to give and no outlet right now for it to go.  But when you do find someone, he's going to be so lucky."

And yet again I hear God whisper, "Just wait and see what I have in store.  It's more than what you could ever imagine."  That's true - I can't imagine.  So much so that I can hardly keep hoping.

There's nothing quite like taking a nap underneath an open window on a misty day, breathing in the cool, fresh breeze that was left after the rain.  It really is a luxury to be still, and a luxury to have the time to do so.

There are only a few weeks left.  Life is still so fluid, and I could never ask anyone to stay in mine.  If only I had the courage to show love from the beginning.