A simple talk about my pursuit of OBGYN turned into sharing of faith and the other person's recent struggles with miscarriage.  His story was so poignant, and reminded me why I wholeheartedly chose the field.  I remembered the joys in the simple and the profound, and the struggles that I had discovered the heart to bear.  And yet, this moment scare me, because it re-kindled my passion.  As of late I had been coming to terms - even becoming content - with the idea of ending up in another specialty if I went unmatched.  I worry that if it's not meant to be, that I won't be able to tame down those flames while I'm on another path, and that I might always be looking back.

They let this one live to see another Christmas, then the next, and yet another.  They let it grow taller, more beautiful and prouder with each year.  Eventually, it even became wise, and stood as a steadfast shelter for all creatures under its soft bristles.  The stronger its branches, the more weight it bore, and it shone bright in the darkness.

I need a guy who doesn't try to force himself in.  I don't need a man-splainer, or see-through attempts at forcing common ground.  I don't have respect for a guy who mistakes forcefulness for boldness, or attention for flattery.  I don't want a guy who think he's doing me a big favor by offering what I already have.

What I want to say to the gunner on auditions...

I don't know what to write.  I can't seem to get anything out.  All these words brew inside, grow wild and knock into each other in my chest, and just as they're about to spill forth I pull them back and bury them deep, as if expecting them to transform into something that will make sense and be worth having when I go back to upturn them again one day.

-  Adipose tissue looks glittery really close up, I remind myself as I compulsively snack on the weekly potlucks in the lounge.

-  My ideal surgery playlist would consist of BIGBANG, Spice Girls, and Jason Mraz.


-  That awful moment when you need to use the bathroom in the middle of a case.  And the sneaky feeling of relief when you realize no one can hear (or smell) farts in there.


-  As a med student, it is a privilege to be assigned to "bowel duty."


-  As is my luck, I only run into the hot doctor at times when I look most like a wrinkly blue mushroom.